Most of us were taught that the way to make someone like you is to do a favor for them. So we offer help with kindness and friendliness. It seems to be more intuitive. But there’s a more effective move: asking them to do you a small favor. Not the other way around. Not a demand or imposition. Just a modest request that makes their brain think: I think you’re someone worth my help.
The Rival at the Library
This is the Benjamin Franklin effect, named after an incident recorded in Franklin’s autobiography. Encountering a hostile member of the Pennsylvania General Assembly, Franklin chose not to charm the man or retaliate. Instead, knowing the man possessed a rare and curious book, Franklin sent a note asking to borrow it for a few days. The rival sent it over. When they next crossed paths, the man greeted Franklin warmly. They stayed on good terms for the rest of their lives.
Franklin then concluded: “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.“ In other words, doing someone a favor makes you like them more (not the other way around).
Why It Works?
While the original story is to convert enemies and resolve conflicts, rivals, or critics, this effect works for general rapport building as well. Psychologically, this phenomenon is rooted in cognitive dissonance. When we do a favor for someone (dislike or neutral), our brains experience a conflict between actions (“I helped this person”) and feelings (“I don’t like this person”). To resolve this tension, the brain has to recalibrate its perception of the individual: “I must actually like them, otherwise why would I be doing them favors?”
The Strategic Request
To make use of this effect in everyday application, the favor you ask better off being at low stakes, easily fulfilled, or instant. For example, borrowing a small item, seeking a quick piece of advice, or requesting a small office supply. The goal is to create a moment of cooperation that feels natural.
And most importantly, you need to express gratitude to reinforce the positive connections. It doesn’t have to be lunch or coffee (unless you aim for a date). In most cases, a simple yet sincere “thank you” note is a good place to go.
But, don’t overdo it!
*What is Daily Insight? An ongoing series of quick, bite-sized brain snacks. Every week, there are three research-based factual reports and three research-informed reflective notes.
