Have you ever tried to explain a fresh perspective or a nuanced idea to someone, only to watch their brain go short-circuited? Or tried to communicate a concept in two different ways, only to realize they’re hearing two completely different things? Or maybe you’ve offered a creative angle or a genuinely helpful solution, and they dismiss it by nitpicking trivial details that are logically absurd and clearly don’t help the situation?
I’ve encountered countless situations like this. And every single time, it was incredibly frustrating and made me question my own reality and intuition. But according to cognitive science, there is no need to internalize their behavior.
Where Do They Come From?
The good news is that you may not be dealing with someone who lacks empathy, is a psychopath, or a “narcissist”. Rather, you’re dealing with a highly concrete, rigid thinker who struggles with logical abstraction.
To this mind, the world is not a spectrum of possibilities and probabilities, but rather, a strict grid of literal templates. They don’t just prefer the structure, rules, or authorities; they rely on them to navigate daily life, and struggle to form abstract ideas or conceptualize things that fall outside their established framework. So, if a situation doesn’t fit neatly into Category A or Category B, the brain treats it as an error message.
Because those templates are what they cling to survive, to make sense, and to stay on track, they just have to prove themselves right. In their mind, if the templates are wrong, their whole life starts to crumble. “Am I wrong?” Even without your fresh perspective, they question themselves at every step they take. So, of course, they may become aggressive, hostile, or at least irrational when dealing with abstract thinkers who thrive on nuance and context. When you introduce anything not concrete or outside the box, you’re accidentally pulling the rug out from under their feet.
Sadly, there usually is nothing underneath.
Rigidity As a Shield
Many micro-managers and emotional abusers actually fall into this category. Whether they have empathy or not, they can not think abstractly. While their behaviors tend to make you anxious, they are ten times more anxious about proving themselves right.
That said, anxiety plays a significant role here. Beneath the surface lies a deep fear of being wrong, of failing, or of facing uncertainty. Because abstraction is open-ended and ambiguous, the hyper-concrete thinker experiences the unknown as terrifying. In many cases, there was no meaningful, abstract system growing up. Or there was deeply rooted shame associated with every mistake they made, so they confused the situation with the disposition.
Over time, they have learned to use rigidity to shield their insecurities. Those strict rules, black-and-white thinking, and predictable templates you accidentally break are not just disagreement or “insecurity” or toxicity; those represent their whole emotional shield against a chaotic world that keeps them feeling safe and alive.
*What is Daily Insight? An ongoing series of quick, bite-sized brain snacks. Every week, there are three research-based factual reports and three research-informed reflective notes.
