So, you would pretend to check the mailbox for longer than necessary just to avoid taking the elevator with a neighbor. And occasionally, you would walk three more blocks just because you saw an acquaintance coming from afar? Or you would “accidentally” have to get off the train at a random stop only to finish a conversation early? And we know those people aren’t stalkers or harmful in any way. But we still hold onto any methods just to avoid them.
I have done all of those. Has anyone else missed the mandated social distancing like me? It is nothing personal, nor is it entirely “social anxiety”.
Small talk is not for everyone
While this form of interaction was invented to foster connection, many people don’t enjoy it.
First, small talk can feel disorienting. If your default thinking style is systemic and conceptual, you might get completely lost. Because you naturally look for patterns and structure, the real question hovering around your head is not the topic, but “What is the point of this talk?”
Second, exchanging generic weather inquiries or recent Netflix activities creates no meaningful connection. For those who value efficiency, the mental effort of navigating conversation feels like a waste of resources.
Third, people who view conversation as an exchange of useful information rather than a social norm may see small talk as a waste of time. This might sound a bit personal, but it is about compatibility, not judgment.
Therefore, a few minutes of physical labor (like taking the long way around or pretending to check deliveries just to wait for the next lift), though it may seem weird or silly, is a small price to pay to protect mental energy and peace.
Personal space matters
Not all avoidance behaviors reflect social anxiety. Sometimes it’s just a need for personal space.
If you want peace after a long day or a stressful event, you deserve it. But first, you need a physical environment where you feel safe and can eventually enter relax mode. And socializing, while it means “fun” and “recharge” for some people, can feel to others more like a “potential invasion of my personal space,” a duty imposed by social norms, or a matter of etiquette.
A physical detour, conversely, is a low-cost way to maintain control over your immediate environment. When left alone, you can stay grounded in your own headspace and enter full relaxation mode, especially when you are already stressed and need to recover.
What is Brief? An ongoing series of quick, bite-sized brain snacks. Alternating weekly, there are three evidence-based empirical facts or three research-informed reflective notes across three topical pillars.
