This feels a bit disorientating, but does apology still mean accountability? No, sometimes it is just crisis PR for personal branding. And it is trending.
Is it a real appology?
Once there was a girl Zoe who has strong narccisstic traits dated an agressively insecure guy Justin who routinely offended her entire social circle. After an extended perior of time, and most importantly, Zoe had a better access to resources, she wanted a clean escape without carrying any of the fallout. She deliberately asked everyone’s opinions to see if they could resume friendship for her to exploit, and collected every opinion that might make her the villian of the story. Yet, one friend Emily called the boor out by expressing being offended and discomfort, Zoe’s mask clashed.
“He doesn’t offend everyone,” Zoe somehow twisted the narrative to defend Justin, “When he treated my family, he was with great emotional intelligence“. she said it in her usual manipulative tone she thought Emily didnt notice, subtly suggesting the friend was simply too sensitive too weak, or too unimportnat. But Emily pushed back and firm, “he was just naive and boorish.” Zoe pivoted instantly to playing the victim, defending him with a list of hardships: his joblessness, his stressful family, his overwhelming pressure.
To clean up the mess, that night, Zoe blamed Justin for “offending her best freinds” and pretended to “save him” by handling him a script. Justin texted Emily:
“I appologize for everything I have done. But you should be more understanding as we both are stressed artists.”
Emily saw it through, but did not engage in drama,
“I understand, and I wish you guys the best.”
When Justin showed her the text, a subtle smirk tucked around Zoe’s lips.
What is her actual intention?
The next day, Zoe walked into the Emily’s home to experiecne the illusion her victory and reveal her true intention. In addition to asking for help for the thesis, she wanted another long-term aid to relocate with Emily to a city that she also wants to move to. Emily then subtly tested the waters, saying, “Aww, he sent me that text… you guys should get back together, you should forgive him.”
A tiny, triumphant smile tugged at her lips again, a micro-expression of someone who believed she still held total control. Emily noticed that and drop the curtain:
“Becuase he didn’t say that for ME, right?”
Zoe’s face went pale. The smirk vanished in her awkwardness. In a split second, she realized the text from the day before was not a proof of guilibity, but an exit. An exit may began long time ago. Emily understood that after dumping her boyfriend, Zoe noticed her own life was thriving with better prospects. True to form, she tried to slide back into her old “bestie” spot, ready to feed off her resources as she always had.
But this time, Emily turned her down cold with a polite encouragement to “live on your own”: “Dont worry, you are so smart; you can nail it.”
Final Note
To a manipulator, politeness and refuse to engage for peace of mind approximately equals compliance. Complete silence scares them. And a complete see-through or public call-out disappear them. Yet, where is her actual sense of accountability and action? Nowhere to find.
Good apology should come with a formula: acknowledge the harm, express regret, promise to do better. Yet if the apology follows formula, does it automatically qulify accountability? No. Sadly, no. Even though they should be interchangeable. But manipulators will make everything more complicated because they want the world to share their twisted logic. An apology is a statement about the past, and accountability is a commitment that they won’t have to apologize for the same issue again.
*What is Brief? An ongoing series of quick, bite-sized brain snacks. Alternating weekly, there are three evidence-based empirical facts or three research-informed reflective notes across three topical pillars.
*Disclaimer: Some scenes and personas in this story have been altered or composited.
